SynSational Speaks.....

Monday, January 22, 2007

A Meme

Until I feel like writing my next post, this will have to do. This was swiped from Tenacious aka my MT, who swiped it from our girl, Curly.

1.How tall are you barefoot?
5 foot 3 inches and a HALF. Very important 1/2, thank you.

2. Have you ever flown first-class?
Nope....I hate flying, period.…

3. One of your favorite books when you were a child? The entire Baby-Sitters Club, Sweet Valley Kids, Twins, and High series and all Judy Blume books (I HAVE TO DITTO Tenacious on this one)

4. A good restaurant in your city? Jalepeno's

5. What is your favorite small appliance? Man, I don't know...my blender, I guess. Geesh.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My youngest...he's a nut.

7. Which TV dad will you resemble and why? Um, probably crazy Fred Sanford, cause he always just says whatever the hell. LOL

8. What was the first music that you ever bought? Salt-n-Pepa's Hot, Cool, & Vicious...and Slick Rick. Memories.....

9. Do you do push-ups? Yeah, I do push-ups, off of someone's body when I'm getting up. Oh, you mean, the exercise...nah, I don't.

10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Doing drill team stuff that our entire block made up. LOL

11.What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Lasagna and mac-n-cheese...so what you asked for one, I gave you 2.

12. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? An anchorwoman.

13. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Chicken noodle soup

14. What in your life are you most grateful for? My children, their health, my health, and our strength.

15. Have you ever met someone famous? Buck O'Neil, and some Chiefs players here around town. Not the ones I want to meet and take advantage of, but anyway.

16. Date Of Birth? October 22, 1976

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I'm hungry, is it almost time to take my pill?, why hasn't this lady called me back from the school?

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink: water, RED Kool-Aid, Papaya Punch, Pineapple Orange juice, and ummmm, Hi-C drink from McDonalds.

20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? KMBC Channel 9, kansascity.com

21. Current hair? Pulled back in ponytail, man, I need to wash my hair. I'm sick of my damn hair. **sigh**

22. Current worry? When will I get my W-2? Will I find me a car that I like and can afford?

23. Current hate? Not being able to go to school full time.

24. Favorite place to be? At home relaxing with my kids NOT getting on my nerves.

25. Least favorite place to be? WORK...plain and simple...WORK.

26. Do you consider yourself well organized? Not really, I need to work on that.

27. Do you believe in a afterlife? Yes

28. Where do you think you will be in 10 Yrs? Getting ready for my youngest to walk across that stage and head to college, will have my nursing degree, nice house, nice car, and loving my career. Maybe married, only God knows.

29. Do you burn or tan? I'm a light bright, so yes, I burn easily if not careful, and I tan somewhat...it's weird.

30. Hey?!??! Where's number 30? Someone's going to need to add a question for #30 on down the line here....oh well.

31. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? I think I'm optimistic

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? A couple of weeks ago when I went out with my boy.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? Freddy Krueger, Jason

35. What’s in your pockets right now? Nothing....tells you I'm broke.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? When someone told me they wanted me to be their 'lady'. Made me seem old and him too, hell. LOL I was like, lady? Not his woman, his lady.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? A 50's like one that had ice cream sundaes, music notes...records, it was colorful and cute. Matched my room (which was purple) beautifully. LOL

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Luckily, just a fractured pinkie just from trying to catch a ball in 3rd grade.

39. Favorite song? I don't have one right now.

40. How many TVs do you own? Three

41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that they love you? Ok, wait, how many people have told me that they love me OR how many people I've told that they love me? Meaning, I just said, yeah, you know you love me, fool? LOL....my kids, my family, DT, VT, and EW have all told me they love me.

42. Last thing that made you blush? Gettin a very nice pic from my friend, LC.....yummy.

43. Best compliment received? I have well-behaved kids.

44. What leaves you speechless? When this one man made a comment about me and his son basically getting fat over the years. I was like, WTF? Talk about pissed....

45. What is your favorite book? anything by my favorite authors I could read over and over (DITTO on what Tenacious said)

46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? My sons are the opposite sex, so they count, I think it was some tacos.

47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? I want my cousin to sing 'Ribbon In the Sky' and another song (just haven't thought of which one yet)...

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I want Eye is on the Sparrow sang

49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? Sleep

50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Most importantly, to raise respectable children who go on to accomplish big things and keep a level head. Be able to live happily ever after with that special someone and be just where God wants me to be.

Posted by SynSational :: 6:33 AM :: 23 comments

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Getdafockouttahere...are you SERIOUS?

Ok, so this post is going to have 2 main topics. But I promise, I won't keep you long. **snickers** I'll try not to. hehehehe I have that Tenacious-itis when I get to talking. LOL

I'm on the phone with my cousin Renee the other day and we get on the subject of my cousin, Latrice. Background info on my cousin, Latrice. Mother of 5, yep, 5 kids. Her first 4 are all girls...stair steps....then comes her son, bad ass. Anyway, Latrice is not my only cousin who has all those kids like we're back in 1950 in Arkansas. But, I'm not talking about my other cousin today. Back to Latrice. Back in my early 20's, me and my cousins would throw all kinds of house parties every time you turned around, so we saw each others significant others a lot back then also. Her last 2 children have the same father, and he used to be at our parties along with his sister, who I'll call Shanae. Latrice and Shanae, were TIGHT. I mean, when you saw one, you saw the other. Ok, didn't think nothing of it, right? So then after Latrice has her son, she comes out the closet. Yea....the, yeah, I'm 'licking clits now' closet. Yeah, we are all like, WTF? 5 kids later, and you're now out the closet?

So then it starts leaking that her and Shanae were messing around, and were each others first lesbian partners. Don't know how true any of this is, but I think back on things Latrice used to do when we were younger, and I think she's always been bi-curious, so to say, so I don't think Shanae was her first. But hey, I don't know. So, anyway, next thing we know, Latrice is full blown lesbian. So, we're like dayum, you serious, huh?

Things start getting weird to me. Seems like everywhere I turned around during this time, chicks I knew who were riding the dyck like champs, were now proudly walking around proclaiming their love for some other chick. Then I start noticing that all these same chicks were ones that had been hurt one way or another by a dude they were madly in love with (but haven't we all???), and then some lesbian came and was in their whispering sweet nothings about this and that and they can treat you right, and bam, they are turned the 'f' out. Shytttt...not me. They can come at me all they want, cause like I told Tenacious, they seem to flock to me also, but I'm strictly dyckly. Don't care how much I have to say it, I'm not with it. Sorry, I'm not. I'm not trying to hear nothing they have to say. Anyway, back to Latrice.

Mind you, she has 5 kids by this time, and her son is a newborn. Enters her new chick.....her boo. Things gottttt craaaazzzzaaay. They are lovers, she's bringing her to family functions, and all of this. We're like, damn, for real, for real? So their living together and all of this (yea, with her kids.....) and then we hear that their having a 'commitment' ceremony. ***blank stare*** You can have all the ceremonies you want, this is Missouri and it still ain't legal. Seriously....I'm still, once again thinking, she's doing some crap just to be doing it. I mean, REALLY. So they have their ceremony, yea, no one from our family went. Maybe her mother and brother, but her sister didn't (she's FOUR kinds of crazy her damn self), and I damn sure know I didn't.

Fast forward 5 years, her and this chick have been together all this time, right?

So, my cousin Renee calls me and she starts telling me that Latrice's baby daddy has came over there one day when he's dropping off the kids and he's saying all of this stuff to her about he wants them to try again, and he wants to be with her, blah, blah, blah. What does Latrice do? What you think she do? She starts thinking about what ole dude said, and bam, she breaks it off with her chick. Daaaaayyyyuuum. Like that? You were 'committed' to her. I mean....what? Lil Man (cause he short as hell, and skinny) came said this and that, and you gone get back with him. What if it doesn't work out? You going back to ole girl? I see a see-saw effect coming on.

Now, like I told my cousin Renee, she better watch her back, cause a chick scorned is worse than a man scorned, and please believe I've known some lesbians who will jack up your world and stalk the mess out of you worse than a man. I've seen it happen to people I know. Latrice's partner is in this depression funk since this has happened, and get this, they are still staying under the same roof. Disaster waiting in the wings if you ask me. Seriously. How you sleeping peacefully in the same house with someone you've just jacked over? **shakingmydamnhead** People are nuts.....I'm waiting for more details to see if Latrice marries ole boy, or if her ex woman, partner, or whatever, jacks up her world in a major way. **sigh**

Now, what would be post be without news about my stalkers or just talk of my men....past or present? Not a true SynSational post. So, here is a short tid bit of info that I found out last night. My main stalker who seriously had a sista shook, I mean, he is the only one that when I see him, my heart is about to jump out my chest cause I'm on alert ready to 'f' somebody up. Just tense. He's stalked me at work, at church, on Blackplanet, thru email, on the phone....just nuts. Anyway, I find out from a friend of mine that he tried to kill his damn Moma....HIS MOMA. I was like, um, I can see him flipping on her. Why? See, I think his problems stem from his relationship with his moma. He has some serious issues with her and I know they turned into hate over the years....He's the only child, she's a club whore. Used to leave him at home at a young age alone, while she was nurturing her other baby, the club, 6-7 days a week. So, long story short, I know that's what's wrong with him deep down. I knew when he used to comment about his mother, and comment about the closeness I shared with my kids, what was wrong with him.

Anyway, he tried to choke the shyt out of his mother, punching her in her face and all of that. She got away, ran out the house screaming for help. He got arrested, guess he's in some sort of facility, maybe. Not sure. Just heard that his mother has a For Sale sign in her yard, so I guess she's moving far, far away where he can't find her. So about me....if he did that to his moma, I mean, damn. I've told him before, many times, leave me alone before you get hurt. Not sure if he thinks it was a threat, but I don't make threats. Neither does my family.....so, anyway, your girl is about to get 'licensed and legal' to carry. It's been in my gut to do this, and I feel I have to. He's tried to play the crazy role with me too many times, and I hope he's done messing with me...but, I don't know. Feel me? Never underestimate an idiot. I know I don't.

I know people are wondering (my boy asked me yesterday, then he thought about his damn question and who he was talking to), if you had a gun, would you use it, would you be scared? All I can say is my moma shot guns for fun....I'm always told, I'm truly my mother's child. So, yea...nuff said. I'll do what I have to do. Hitting the range with my cousins is about to be in my schedule. Damn shame I have to think like this, but I refuse to have someone have me walking around in fear. That's not how I live my life. Pray for me, y'all.

Get at me....

Posted by SynSational :: 12:19 PM :: 9 comments

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

And my mouth still hurts.....

Hey all. I need to get back on this blogging thing, and blog more often. I'm trying, I'm trying.

Yesterday I had my routine dentist appointment and it was the day that I had to get part one of my routine deep cleaning. See, I have this condition where I have to get the deep cleaning done once a year because my gums aren't as strong as some people's, so me doing this prevents bone loss, which prevents me waking up one day and my teeth are laying next to me. Which by the way, happened to my Aunt who is petrified of the dentist...I'll blog on that another day. LOL
Anyway, I have to get this done, on top of my regular cleanings....blah, blah, blah.

Ok, so when they do this, they do it in sections like they can do my entire left side at once, top and bottom, etc. Well, yesterday, I just had them do the lower left side of my mouth. Why? Cause I hate the numbing process. It's not natural to get stuck in your mouth with a damn needle. I hate that. Yeah, I always have to get it done, but I wasn't feeling 2 sticks yesterday. But you know what, I should've went ahead and did the entire left side, cause hell, this heifa stuck me in my mouth about 3-4 times to get the anesthesia in. Talk about pissed. Said I was making her feel bad, so she kept stopping. DA HELL? I was sitting still, tense, but still, and I was moaning cause that crap hurts. She should've kept going, get it over with. I mean, she had put some ointment on my jaws to numb it, so I wouldn't feel the needle completely, and it worked, but man, I still felt a little. When she started trying to put the needle in, she's saying relax, look at the pic on the wall. WHAT.THE.HELL? Let me tell you about the damn pic on the wall.....black and white, that's all I can tell you.

Why is that all I can tell you? Cause the light they have shining in your face that is so bright, that if you're out of it and you wake up and see that light, you're going to think you're about to meet your Maker, cause you see 'the light', was blocking the damn pic. So what do I see, grass in black and white. That's it. So tell me again, why I'm looking at this pic? If you want someone to concentrate on a pic to keep their mind off of pain, let's try, Where's Waldo? Not one of those easy ass Where's Waldo, a nice big one, with all kinds of stuff going on. I mean, hell, give me something to think on while you're all in my mouth. Hell, a pic of Boris Kodjoe or Morris Chestnut smiling will do just fine for me. But not some damn black and white pic, which I later saw when I got up was some building or something. Still wasn't interested.

I digress.... so, I'm sitting there waiting for everything to get numb, and I swear I start feeling sleepy and loopy. There is no way in hell, I should've been feeling sleepy. I mean, she was talking to me and I'm looking at her like I had just smoked a fat blunt. I don't even get high. Didn't say I never tried it (about 3-4 times in my early 20's) , but like Craig said on Friday, I dranks....LOL....anyway, she's talking and talking, and I'm thinking, I wonder if I'm looking at her, how I think I'm looking at her. Cause I swear I felt like saying, shut up, lady, please, shut the 'f' up. But I was politely nodding.

So finally, she starts working on my mouth. Thank God for that anesthesia cause I know if I didn't have it, I would've smacked the mess out of her. So, she's talking and talking, and I just have my eyes closed, thinking, man, I'll be glad when this is over. Ok, now, this is where she starts pissing me off. Never fails. You know the suction thing that helps keep your mouth dry when the saliva and water starts forming? Yea, this heifa wasn't on her job on that. I damn near choked on my saliva and the water she was putting in my mouth way too many damn times. I mean, I tried to swallow, but since my mouth was open all wide, all I really felt was my tongue move a little.....ok, my tongue moved...hint to her, I need to swallow before I choke. So here and there, she's suctioning, and I'm relieved...then it builds up again. And she's just talking and talking....and I'm thinking, if I die right here, today, this is going to be some strange shyt. My family better sue. It got to the point where I wanted to grab the thing and say, I got this...you do the cleaning, I'll do the suctioning, but I couldn't talk, and as much as I wanted to grab her arm, I'm heavy handed, I hit like a man (so, I've been told), and don't know my own strength, so I think me NOT grabbing her arm was the best thing. Cause needless to say, she could've found more reasons to do something else to my mouth while I'm sitting there. Pierce my gums with her instruments or something.

So, once again, I closed my eyes, and sighed. Now, tell me why, I open my eyes, cause she's changing instruments or something, and what do I see allllll in my face. One of the damn instruments she still had in her hand. You know, the ones that look like mini hooks. Yeah. I mean, close to my eye. Not like on my eyelash close, but close enough that if she sneezed, I would've been cut. She's just moving around, and I'm thinking, ok, so what, either I'm going to choke to death, OR YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE OUT MY DAMN EYES?!?

I'm sitting there, and I think my mind was playing tricks on me, cause I couldn't move again, and like I said, I should not have been feeling like I was on some gas or something. So, I'm just staring at this instrument like, one wrong move, I'm going home with a eye patch, and my kids are going to be like, damn. **sigh** She finally gets her stuff together, and she finishes up, and I keep thinking, I lived....I lived. Cause I had doubts if I would walk out or be carried out on a stretcher. Seriously.

When I leave there, I have to go get my kids some food. I didn't feel like cooking, so I stop at Couzins Catfish....LOL...yeah, CouZins, and get this, when they call your name for your order, they say COUSIN SynSational....LMAO. And, tell me why their to go cups are those red party cups? Yep...gotta love the cousins. LOL But the food is great. Anyway, I know it'll be a good minute before I can feel my mouth, so I get me some catfish also for later. I go home, and my sons are looking at me like, dang. What's wrong with you? I just went and laid down, and no, they didn't leave me alone.

Slowly but surely, I start getting feeling back in the left side of my face. I'm glad, cause that always bothers me. I feel like I'm drooling and crap, so I hate that feeling. It took 4 hours and 40 minutes for my face to feel normal again. Yeah, I counted. I'll be back in the dentist office on Feb. 1st for my other side to get done. **sigh** I hope I'm more alert that day, cause I know I should not have been feeling spacy like that. Like I said, I think my mind was playing tricks on me, cause when it was time for me to get up, I was feeling just fine.

In the end, it's all worth the pain, to keep my teeth healthy and clean, and the breath kissably fresh. **muah** But I think next time, I'm having one of my 'friends' take me to my appt and wait for me in case of an emergency. LOL

Holla atcha girl......

Posted by SynSational :: 6:40 AM :: 18 comments

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Lil bit of this, lil bit of that....

Needless to say, there are all kinds of random thoughts fighting in my head. I need to meditate and think over something's. I told myself I was going to do things different this year, so I am. Well, I'm trying, anyway.

~ Why can't I just 'be still' and wait out things when it comes to relationships? That is the hardest thing for me to do.

~ The above bothers the hell out of me.

~ I know what I want, what I should do to get it started, but why can't I do it?

~ I need more money, so why am I so hesitant to take that leap of faith and get a new job?

~ It's hard to think about finding a new job cause I've been here so long, I can basically, uh, do whatever (take time off when needed, email, blog, etc, all day...**sigh**)...but dang...I need to let it go.

~ I have a friend, I like that friend....I'm trying to wait things out, and not get anxious.

~Anxious....why do I get so anxious on things....that is my downfall, and I want to change that.

~Why is there a lot in my head, but I can't seem to get the words together for everything to come out?

~ I'm in a foul mood today....I need a hug.

~This damn anxiety sucks.....why am I like this?

~Where the hell did my confidence level go? Seriously.

~I need to lose weight. Point.Blank....SERIOUSLY. This is ridiculous.

~Why do I know what I need to do, but yet, it takes an extra boost of motivation....man, man, man.

~I wonder how he feels about me for real. That is bothering me...I want to know, and haven't had a chance to ask him.

~Hopefully this week, I'll know.

~Why do I fear that me and him will stay in the 'friends only' zone.

~Why is HE occupying my mind like this....why, dammit, why. This is not cool at all.

~Why do I still also have feelings for my boy out of town and vice versa, but I know we can't do long distance, so since I can't have him, my in town friend has been heavily on my mind....**heavyasssigh** My life is a friggin roller coaster on things like this.

~ Seriously....I need to get on the ball on this school thing...I mean, jump into it full time.

~Why am I scared to jump into it full time and work at night? I have to do what I have to do for me and mine. Being a single parent, I know it's going to be so hard going full time. Tiresome...but worth it.

~I'm scared....about a lot of things....

~I feel like I'm becoming a punk in my older age. Where did the cold-heartedness go? It shows up here and there, but why can't it stay? I think I'm better off when it's here.

~Why can't I just think to myself, whatever happens, happens, and leave it at that?

~ My mood today sucks...did I mention that already?

~Is there a pattern in the meaning of my words, but just phrased differently thru out these thoughts? I think so....

~ Damn, damn, damn....I need a hug among a lot of other things.

~I'm about to hop on that yellow brick road, cross the state line to Kansas, so I can talk to that damn Wiz about courage, strength, and some more crap I can't even think of, but I know I need right now.

~Not even sure why The Wiz even popped in my head.....damn shame.

~I want to move out of my apartment.....but that's the least of my worries right now.

~Last night as I sat waiting for my youngest to get out of choir rehearsal (he plays the drums at church), I was thinking, man, I was just sitting last night waiting on my oldest to get out of basketball practice....why did I damn near cry? I'm tired, y'all....tired of doing it alone. Going from A to Z...alone...all the time. **sigh** Yep, it's my life, I accept that, but I'm tired. Superwoman gets tired, too.

~I'm not in the mood for a gang of questions and the people I work with are having one of those, 'Let's Ask Shari' days.....uh, did I just give my real damn name? Whatever, man.

Holla atcha girl.....

Posted by SynSational :: 6:45 AM :: 10 comments

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Friday, January 05, 2007

2006: Been there, Done that, Still moving forward

Do you know how much energy it's taken me to even THINK about what to write on my first post for '07? I mean, yeah, I knew I wanted to do a year in review, of course, but man, that's a lot of damn thinking, and I really wasn't up to it. Still not for real, but I'll try. I haven't posted since 12/21, so I thought I would get on it. Here's a re-cap of things I've went thru and things I've learned in 2006:

The beginning of '06 was sour for me. My male best friend died (and yeah, he REALLY died *tsk*) of leukemia. That was a hard thing to handle and it took me quite awhile to adjust. Our conversations were always in my head, when things went down, I was like, man, I need to call Jay or wait til Jay hears this. Then it would hit me, I can't. When someone would call with a number close to his, I would freeze and analyze their number...it was crazy.

In '06, I called myself weeding out all the bullshitters in my life. At times, I was successful. Other times, I would fall prey to it again. I've cut ties with people that I know do me no good, and only want certain things from me. I have no need for those people in my life. They still try, and I keep ignoring them. Even got a text that said, 'It's a new year, are you thru not talking to me'. My silence should let him know that nothing's changed, just the year, but yeah, he'll be mentioned in several posts in '07, I'm sure. Damn, DL, damn...let it go, bruh, let it go. LOL

I formed a friendship with someone whom I hold very dear to my heart early in '06. We share the same birthday and we've had our ups and downs (man, have we), our friendship has been tested, but I know they are a life long friend. You know your friendship is deep, when you are trying to tell them something, and you are in tears and you don't know how they'll take it. I don't cry for people unless I really, really care for them. When that happened to me, I was like, whoa, cause that's not me at all.

I've learned to brush a lot of things off my shoulder and move on. I'm controlling my attitude and temper way more than I used to. Something's just aren't worth me getting my 'pressure' up. LOL But trust, I still get heated about things from time to time, and will actually feel my heart beating really fast. I refuse to stroke out at 30 over some b/s. So I'm still working on controlling my temper. But, this week has been really hard for me, so my new year once again started out sour, I mean, at 11:57 on New Years Eve, I was pissed.....and to think, it's dealing with the same family I was grieving with at this same time last year. Yea, my best friend who passed, his family is testing me. Long story, but they are testing me and mine. Just waiting to see how this all plays out. Anyway, I digress....

I've restored my relationship with my female best friend of 18 years. We were distant for a minute, but we are back tight again. I'm so glad.

In the land of blogger, we've all seen someone fake their death, try to cover that ish up, then turn around to apologize or email people trying to somehow get back in good graces with those they've burned. I wrote my email telling them how I felt and left it alone. Karma is STILL a beyotch, no matter the apologies. Sorry, that's just how I feel. All kinda lies unfolding in the midst of this nonsense from that person and others. When will people learn, everything comes to the light.

Some of my favorite bloggers (whether I posted on their spot or was lurking) have decided to give the blog thing up and move on to better things. I wish them the best, but dang, what am I supposed to do at work now if erbody stops blogging, dammit! LOL

I used to keep people as friends when we didn't work out, and be cool with them. Nah, not anymore....I learned the hard way that just keeps more heartache in my life. Took me awhile to learn it, but I did. I do have some friends who are ex's who I had a tighter friendship with, but only a couple. For some reason, it was hard for me to let people go, so I kept the friendship. Not anymore. I cut all nonsense quicker than people can say the first part of my name.

My bluntness has gotten worse....maybe because I'm getting older? I don't know. If so, man, I'm going to be a pistol when I get old. LOL It was bad already, but now it's way worse. I say what I want to get out, and keep it moving....if you're feelings are hurt. Sorry. In '05 I thought I learned how to think before speaking, but I guess I didn't. LOL My tongue has left many people with that blank stare looking at my back as I walk away or hearing that 'Click' on the other end. I say what I mean, and mean what I say, and when I have to prove that point to people, hey, it's straight with no chasers.

I've learned to always, always, trust my intuition. Helps me weed out the b/s quicker. If I know something deep down, I used to give people the benefit of the doubt, thinking, I was just 'noid from past experiences. But this year, man, my intuition has been RIGHT on the money. Not allowing me to sleep if something wasn't right. I've literally woken up at 5 am and investigated somethings and cut people loose by 5:30 am. And it would be just a slight feeling, and I would be right.

I used to be so down because I want a 2 parent home for my sons, and whenever it felt like I was close to having it, something always happened. But even though I knew it, I had to remind myself, so what you're single...you are the mother of 2 handsome young men. Yeah, we have our trials, but it could be worse. Much worse. I don't get calls from school, they aren't bringing home D's & F's, and not caring. There are kids my sons age walking thru the streets cussing out each other and not caring if grown ups are around. Kids that are robbing stores with sawed off shot guns at the age of 12. My oldest son is 12. It breaks my heart that a lot of kids are so lost, and their parents don't seem to give a damn. I thank God for my sons. Their health, their behavior, their respect, their willingness to learn about God and praise God. I'm blessed. I have a long road ahead of me in raising them, but I'll keep doing my best, and if it's as a single mother, so be it. What we fail to sometimes realize is, God knows best. We don't.

2006 has been somewhat of a rough year, but honestly, I can't complain because I've made it to 2007 with my health and strength, and all the trials I've been through didn't hinder me from learning the lesson. That's what counts. Life is about lessons and moving on. That's what I intend to keep doing in '07. Live, learn, and move on to the next phase.

Who knows, maybe me and that special someone will connect in 07. If not, I won't let it bother me (or try not to). I'm human, I want love in my life. No matter how cold hearted I can be with people, when I find love, I'm the best I can be. I've always been like that with people I really care about. I'm cold hearted to people who I know think they can mess over me.

In '07, I hope to gain the strength I need to keep pushing towards my goal of being a nurse and the motivation to conquer this task and give it my all. I've been slacking on it, cause I felt so tired, but I'm determined for things to change.

I don't do resolutions because I never stick to them, so why do it? So, I just do what I need to do for me. I hope everyone has a blessed year and I can't wait to hear all the adventures that are to come from my blog family.

Holla atcha girl.

Posted by SynSational :: 8:44 AM :: 10 comments

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